Taking Stock

I have a birthday coming up later this week.  Such a day seems a natural point in one's life to take stock of how things are going.  I know most people prefer to go the New Year's route, but for me, a birthday is a more personal time for such introspection -- New Year's is based on an external calendar irrespective of me, whereas my birthday is a measure of time that is uniquely mine.

(And yes, for the time being I'm ignoring the roughly 20 million other people who share my birthday.)

This week, for me, is a time to take stock of how my life situation has changed, how my work life has changed, and what I'd like to have different by the time this week rolls around next year.  Doing this sort of exercise once or twice a year is a great thing to do, as not only does it focus us on the direction we want our life to be going, but it gives us a great opportunity to give thanks for all the good things we have in our lives, as well as to put into perspective all of our trials.

The biggest change in my life this past year is right here next to me rolling around and cooing in his little play yard.  At this point last year, our little family consisted of my wife and me and our two cats (who, being almost entirely self-sufficient, only really relied on us for twice-daily feedings, a daily scooping of the litter box, and the occasional pet or cuddle).  My family is now all of that, plus little Daniel, who is as much work as a proverbial herd of cats, but without any of the autonomy.  I am delighted every day to see the changes he's going through, though I'm in such a chronic sleep-deprived state, it's also possible I'm hallucinating many of the things I think he's doing.

Despite all the extra work and mental degradation, having this little guy here has also afforded me a tremendous opportunity -- to stay at home with him during the days, teach him and raise him, and have even more time to work on my creative endeavors such as composing and writing.  Since I've been staying home with him, I've started many more projects than I normally would in such a short span of time.  I haven't finished that many of them (chalk it up to exhaustion and lack of proper mental functioning), but I've started quite a few.

Despite my current lack of finishing things up, my work life has improved in many ways.  Yes, I'm not teaching elementary media tech anymore (something I do miss), but not only am I teaching a much more important student in a class of one, but I'm able to devote myself more fully to my creative side.  Not only are the working conditions better now, but the status of my creative life has improved -- I have many more pieces in print than I did last year (I don't have the exact number but it's probably around twenty or so more handbell pieces and one more string orchestra arrangement), and it seems that more and more people are finding my music, enjoying it, and playing it.  My second novel is finished and available for purchase, and I'm well on my way toward making some serious progress on the third. 

So that's all well and good, but the other purpose of this time is to look ahead, to plan for and dream about the future.  Where do I want to be a year from now?

For starters, I'd like to still be right here, at home, with Daniel.  It's a lot of work, and much, much harder than a day at school ever was, but it's also far more rewarding (though I do miss being able to get rid of my students at 3:30 and having the evening away from them).  As he gets older and more autonomous, our interactions will deepen, I'll actually start seeing if what I'm trying to teach him is sticking, and he might even be able to help play a part in the creative work I'm doing.

I also want to be right here for what it will let me create.  I have a lot of exciting projects in the works right now, and more are in the future, I just know it.  I want to keep writing and composing, sharing my creations with the world; it never ceases to amaze me that as I near the end of any creative project, I always worry that the well will be dry and nothing else good will come forth, and yet every time, it does.  I want to keep experiencing that sense of awe at each new piece of music.

I'd love to have even more compositions and books in print.  I'd like to expand my "repertoire" beyond the world of handbells and string orchestra and perhaps try to get something published for choir or band.

I think what I most want from next August is to look back at the year that has just passed -- the year that, for me now, is still to come -- and to be able to say, "Yes, that was a year well-spent, and it was even better than the year before."  I know I can say that about this past year, so to be able to say it again next year would be a true blessing.

So take some time and take stock of your life (if you weren't born in early August, feel free to use the time of your choosing for this exercise).  Give thanks for what you have, figure out how to change what you don't like, and plan and dream for the future.  And then, when you're blowing out the candles on the cake, maybe the day will mean just a little bit more to you than it would have otherwise.