Video Games Show Us the Way -- Relationships

For the next several weeks, our Wednesday posts will focus on lessons learned from 18-year-old Kevin Birrell, a Grand Master at the exalted game of Tetris.  You can read all about Kevin and his accomplishment here.

In order to be the best at something -- be it video games or composing or painting -- you have to be cutthroat, vicious.  You have to distance yourself from those competing for the same thing you are, because only by dehumanizing them, turning them into anonymous cyphers, will you ever hope to become the best.

Right?

Not surprisingly (thank goodness!), the answer is no.  In fact, those who are the best at what they do, who are at the tops of their fields, almost always have a healthy relationship with not just one or two, but many, many other people within their chosen field of endeavor.  These relationships allow for the free exchange of ideas, which in turn allow for the advancement of our chosen pursuit -- and not just for us, but for our colleagues, and in many cases, for our field itself. 

Before we get going here, however, notice I said healthy relationships.  I'm not talking Facebook-friend sort of relationships (which is not to knock Facebook, as I keep tabs on many people through their status updates).  I'm talking people you meet, talk with in person, share a few laughs with ... then get down to a serious conversation about your art (or whatever field you're pursuing -- for me, it's nearly always an art of some sort). 

One of the best things I ever did for my composing career, hands down, was to attend a national handbell event back in 2010.  It was called Pinnacle, held in Nashville, Tennessee, and cost as much for my wife and I to attend as many of our vacations.  (It actually scares me to think how close we came to not going -- only my winning a composition contest with a monetary prize attached persuaded us to go.)  At this event, handbell musicians, composers, publishers, editors, and others from all across the country converged for four days of intense classes, concerts, and other learning and sharing opportunities. 

At the time, I had less than 15 pieces published -- not enough to make me a household word in the handbell community, but enough that some folks -- a lot of them publishers -- knew who I was, knew they liked what I wrote, and knew they wanted me to start writing some pieces for them.  By the time I attended the next annual event one year later in Minneapolis, the number of pieces I had published was somewhere closer to 40 than 15.  I attribute it in large part to the contacts I made at that event, and to the relationships I started to forge there.

We don't live in a vacuum -- more so than ever, we are connected to other people, more people than ever before in history.  I maintain a thrice-weekly email correspondence with a fellow composer and good friend who lives in Philadelphia.  Do you think I'd be keeping up that sort of running commentary with him if I had to hand-write a letter, put it in an envelope, attach a stamp, and send it off?  Possible ... but not likely.  The immediacy and convenience of email, Facebook, and the internet give us the opportunity to forge thousands of shallow relationships -- but also the ability to maintain and grow some deeper relationships simply because it is so much easier to stay in touch.

These people we know, this network of contacts, they are the ones who will help us grow and develop as Creatives ... and who, in turn, we will help grow and develop.  It's a mutual effort, a two-way street; never think for a minute this is all about what you can receive -- it's about how you can help each other and, in the most successful relationships, primarily about what you can offer the other person.

One last note on relationships and doing crazy things -- my first handbell arrangement was released in May of 2007.  About a month later, my wife found out that it was going to be played at a handbell festival in Raleigh, North Carolina that was sponsored by the Raleigh Ringers.  Now Raleigh is a good day's drive from Indianapolis, so the idea of driving across a third of the country just to go to a handbell festival seemed crazy.  Nonetheless, she won out, we went ... and in terms of my handbell career, I really think that it was the best thing I ever did.  I've since forged a good relationship with the Raleigh Ringers (one of the top handbell ensembles in the world, and not just by my estimation), had my pieces played at their annual festival every year for the 6th year running, and had them perform some of my works in concert.  I've conducted a young ringers' festival they host, and in turn I helped them get a venue to perform in when they came through Indianapolis last summer.  I can even honestly say that I've had pieces published specifically because of my relationship with this group and this festival.  That one decision -- to attend a festival halfway across the country -- has had such far-reaching ramifications on my career that I can't even catalog them all.  If that doesn't speak about the power of relationships, I don't know what does.

So discover who your "competition" are, and see if you can forge a relationship with them.  Who knows -- it might just be the best thing you ever did!