Focus

Focus is something I find myself in very short supply of lately.  I can't imagine why that would be.  It might have something to do with sleeping around five and a half hours a night, every night, for the past five months (and hardly ever all those hours in a row, but more like three two-hour-or-so naps).  It might have something to do with caring for my five-month old son and the necessity of my schedule following his.  It might also have something to do with the normal, everyday problems that creep in and keep most folks from focusing on things.

Or, let's face it, it's probably a nice combination of all those factors.

Even under the best of circumstances, I have trouble focusing.  I've never been diagnosed with any sort of attention deficit disorder, but even if I don't have one, it's a close thing.  For as long as I can remember, I "flit" (or at least that's what my family called it) -- I do one thing for a few minutes, then hop off and do another for a few minutes, then back.  I have trouble sitting on the couch of an evening and watching television without doing or working on something else, or without hopping up to go elsewhere ... or more often than not, hopping up to go elsewhere to do something else.

Add in all the fun that a new baby in the house brings (though I suppose at this point I'd have to call him an "old" baby), and my focus issues (or lack thereof) are off the charts.  When my wife gets home of an evening and spends time with our son, I run around like a head with my chicken cut off doing all sorts of bits of housework, cleaning, tidying, or other things that just plain need doing.  The thing is, I never do them in a logical order -- while doing task A, I suddenly realize that tasks B, C, and D all need to be done, so I stop, do task D on my way to do task C, and on route to C, I remember E and F.  Eventually, I do go back and finish A ... usually.  What follows is a flurry of activity that gets everything done, but in nothing even remotely resembling a logical order.

It's having an effect on my creating, too.  Again, under the best of circumstances, I would have a bit of trouble getting to work on a project, but it's even worse now as, on the way to getting to work, I remember four or five other things that need doing.  I always used to have a project or two going at the same time, but now I've got four or five all going, all in various stages of completion.  I'm still getting things finished ... eventually ... so I've elected not to worry about this latest lack-of-focus problem ... yet.

The oddest thing happens, though, once I do sit down and get to work.  I open my file, listen to what I've already written ... and by that point, my mind is focused almost singly on working on the piece I'm on.  All those chores, all those piddly little things on my frantic, out-of-order to-do list in my mind ... they all slink quietly into the background.  I'm able to compose, putting all my attention, all my thoughts, all my effort on this one task, and let everything else slide.

This is probably the greatest indication to me that composing is something I'm meant to do.  If I can concentrate solely on this one task -- and there are days where I can compose for three or four hours straight without a break to eat, rest, or do anything else -- there must be a pretty good reason for it.  The euphoria I get while I'm working is a big part of what keeps me focused, keeps me moving forward, keeps me from getting distracted.  Very little else in my life can do this.

What are you able to focus on to the exclusion of everything else?  Even if you're normally good at focus, there's probably something where that focus is a little bit more powerful, and a little bit easier to come by.  Ask yourself if that's where your passion lies, and if that may be why the focus is so easy to attain.  If so, maybe it's a sign that this is what you're supposed to be doing.

Now, if you'll excuse me, there's something else I need to do ... if I can just remember what it is....