The Shouldas

I've spent the past two days working.  They've actually been rather productive days, good ones, the sort that leave me happy and giddy by the time evening rolls around.

So what have I done?

I've spent time studying Spanish with Rosetta Stone.  Several hours over the past two days, in fact.  I can now say the utterly useless phrase "Este es mi sombrero en invierno."  I even did one of their online things today where I actually spoke Spanish with other people.  It didn't kill me, so, in theory, it just made me stronger.

The other thing I've spent my time on is editing the second book in my Sadonian Chronicles series (hereinafter known as SC2, because I'm tired of writing the "the second book in my Sadonian Chronicles series" over and over).  In the past several days, I've edited a good fifteen or eighteen pages, and I feel like I've really made the story stronger.  After so long away from the novel, it's nice to dive right in and reconnect with the characters (not just reconnect with them, but also gain some new insights about the story and its world I didn't know before -- always a treat).

The problem is I shoulda been composing.  I've got a list of pieces fifteen or twenty long that I want to compose -- handbell pieces, piano pieces, string pieces, choral pieces.  The list goes on.

Now, why does it really matter if I'm studying Spanish instead of composing, or writing instead of composing?  I'm still being productive, right?  I'm still getting things done, right?

The reason it matters -- at least to the rational, button-down, work-a-day part of me -- is that composing is what pays the bills.  (Well, it doesn't exactly pay the bills, but it does more and gets closer to that dream every year.)  If I don't compose new pieces, if I don't get new releases in publishers' lineups, my income won't increase, and I'll never be able to survive solely on my composing.  While I do have one book for sale, I'm not making enough for more than the (very) occasional latte.  (Don't even get me started on Spanish -- I can't even remotely begin to see how I'll make any money from being able to speak a second language.)

Sometimes as Creatives, we don't always do what we "should" do, or at least what the world or society or our Common Sense tells us we "should" do.  What lets us be successful as Creatives, however, is that we listen to our own inner voices, our own secret urgings, and do what they tell us to do.  Today, mine told me to edit SC2, so I did.  As a result, I got about eight or nine pages edited, far more than I would usually do on a normal day.  Had I fought that urge, had I spent my time composing instead, I'm sure I'd have something to show for it ... but my thoughts the whole time would have been on how I'd rather be writing, and neither my writing nor my composing would have lived up to their potential. 

The next time you sit down to do something creative, ask yourself if you're doing what you truly feel called to do, or what you feel you "should" do.  Take financial gain, prestige, ability, recognition -- take them all out of the equation: what do you feel called to do?  What will go awry if you give in to that calling and work on it, right now?  Gravitate toward what's calling you -- whether or not it's what you shoulda been doin' -- and see if your creative work and your creative life don't come out better for it.